Peer Review and Edit of Writing Assignment 3: Labor Movements Return

Peer Review and Edit of Writing Assignment 3
Your Name:
Name of Student Whose Paper You Reviewed and Edited: Jinnian Shen
Introductory Paragraph & Thesis Statement
Question

Your Evaluation

Do the opening sentences of the first paragraph provide the reader with a “hook” or set the scene in a way which leads naturally to the paper’s main argument or thesis statement? Please explain your answer.

 Yes, the opening sentence of the paper was able to provide a ‘hook’ using an empathic sentence that also serves as a general overview of the topic.

What is the thesis statement? Does the thesis statement clearly state the basic argument in one or two sentences without getting into a lot of details?

The thesis statement for this paper is that “In order to get the US economy back to normal as quickly as possible and people no longer live in insecurity. Franklin D. Roosevelt implemented a series of policies after he became president of the United States”. However, the construction of the introductory paragraph makes it difficult to determine that this was indeed the topic sentence.

What suggestions, if any, do you have to improve the opening paragraph and thesis?
 
 

 In order to further improve the opening paragraph, I think that it would be best to start with a more ‘emphatic hook’ and place the thesis statement near the end of the paragraph. Additionally, a determiner could be added to make the thesis statement easier to be found.

Body Paragraphs – How They Are Organized and Evidence Supporting the Thesis Statement
Question

Your Evaluation

Does each body paragraph coherently start with a topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement?  If not, provide an example.

 Yes, the paragraphs start with a topic sentence that was succinctly explained in the succeeding paragraphs. However, when it comes to how it relates to the main idea, the third paragraph talks about the unfortunate experience of ...